From The Start
by write-yourself-into-the-story
Summary: Destiel AU Where Cas and Dean meet as first graders and instantly something sparks, but staying friends is hard. The only thing harder is choosing when to keep fighting and when to give up. (Rated M but wont get there till later in the story)
1. Chapter 1

First Grade

first grade class was large this year at close to 30 students. Today was the first day of school ever for many kids and a lot were hanging on their parents crying, but not Dean Winchester. Dean was off at the table in the back of the room, changing his name card with another student so he was placed right in the center of the girls table. He then took his seat with his crayons and markers in front of him, waiting for further instructions, he looked so innocent.  
The only other boy at the small table for six was a small dark haired, blue eyed little boy named Castiel. Castiel was quiet as he sat waiting for the room to fill up. His mother had died not long after he was born and his dad was never around enough, so he had been dropped off by one of his older brothers who would now be late for their own school. If they planned to go that is. Silently little Castiel watched as the rest of the class filed in around him, he recognized no one and sadly he realized he was among the few who didn't. All he wanted was just one friend.  
School started as the bell rang. Everyone in the classroom seemed quiet waiting for instructions from the teacher as to what they would do. The class room looked like most 1st grade rooms, complete with easy books and a few toys and art supplies. Along the front wall to the left of the door was the cubbies where jackets and colorful backpacks hung on hooks under tape pieces with their names on them.  
"Welcome!" said with a smile "I'm , and I'll be your teacher this year!" She looked around the room trying to pick out who would cause trouble this year. Her eyes glided to a stop on the green eyed boy in the rough jacket, he seemed to be more fascinated by the girls sitting around him than he was on her. She then looked at her seating chart trying to figure out the boys name since he obviously was not Ella.  
"Were going to start off this morning with a name game, so everyone gather in a circle over here on the carpet," Her eyes continued to scan the paper finally finding the boy. Dean Winchester. The name caught her off guard, she had known a Winchester, he worked with her husband. Could this be John Winchester's son? She asked herself silently as the kids all gathered in a circle.  
Dean looked around, recognizing a few people who he had gone to kindergarten with. The one that caught his eye though was a rather small boy standing about five people to his left. He looked sort of strange with tousled dark hair and blue eyes that matched his sweater. He had dark pants that seemed worn and glasses that were a little bit to big. Slightly nerdy but looked descent enough. Dean couldn't figure out why he was so captivated by this little insignificant boy.  
After several hours of learning rules and Dean paying no attention at all he had almost forgotten about the boy with the blue eyes. Almost. But every few minutes he would catch a glimpse out of the corner of his eye. The boy with the blue eyes always seemed to be staring at the teacher, listening intently like they were all supposed to be doing. It seemed though that a few others had noticed blue eyes but not quite in the same captivated way the Dean had. They noticed him more as a target. A nerd they didn't intend to be kind to. Dean didn't like it at all.  
The bell with meant lunch finally rang. Being most of their first times eating at school it took longer than it should have. Everyone trying to group with people they were familiar with. Girls in groups, trying their best to stay together. Boys mostly in smaller friend groups including the small gang which seemed to have latched on to Dean as a leader. The blue eyed boy stood alone at the back.  
Castiel was never very good at making friends. He had never had the dashing charm his brothers did. Last year he had been written off and was left with a single friend who he wasn't sure even liked him that much. Although maybe this year things could be different. If he just had a friend first grade would be a lot more fun. But all the same he sat alone at the far end of the table, surrounded by girls with the stuffed animals they had brought and boys discussing the best pokemon.  
Dean smiled sitting with his new friends, showing off his pokemon knowledge. It felt good to be liked. The boy next to him named Ash seemed the smartest. He bragged about his reading skills and all the time he spent on the computer and even Dean was impressed. 'I bet Sammy would like him' Dean thought to himself, already missing his baby brother. He noticed the blue eyed boy sitting alone and he almost invited him over but the last spot was quickly filled by one of the other boys. Every one of them was impressed when Dean told them stories of how his dad would take him hunting sometimes on the weekends. Every one of their eyes went wide when they heard he had even held a gun.  
His dad wasn't really a traditional out in the woods hunter but Dean pretended he was. His father was gone so often, hunting the things that went bump in the night. They had a house at least. They had needed to buy a new one when theirs had burned down and this one was a lot smaller, but at least they had someplace. Most nights when he got home their 'uncle' bobby was at their house and he would make them dinner and get them to bed, because their dad was busy on a hunting trip.  
Looking around the lunch room there were four tables of first graders on one half and on the other was four tables of second graders, separated in the center by trash bins and a place to stack the plastic trays. Most of the kids had devoured their turkey sandwiches, making the pile of trays mountainous and the trash cans almost filled to the brim. Sitting now with nothing left to eat the noise level grew slightly. As the year went on it would probably be louder. Thank god they weren't as loud as the older kids.  
There first recess was started with dozens of rules. Rules about how to play, where to play, may as well have told you who to play with. All Dean heard was limits and restrictions. He was used to that though. He did everything his dad said because he was scary if he didn't. Dean sat trying to be quiet, looking around at the other kids who looked so nervous. The blue eyed boy just sat there, maybe once they were allowed to play Dean would go talk to him. Maybe they could be friends.  
The recess monitors let them go after what seemed like hours. The group of boys who had sat with him at lunch gravitating back towards Dean, asking what he wanted to do. He looked around unsure for a moment, spotting the blue eyed boy trying to work up courage to ask people to play four square with him.  
"Let's go play four square," Dean told them starting off at a run towards the whit painted box on the tar. After a little bit of prodding they all joined Dean by the boxes.  
"You wanna play?" The blue eyed boy said after a moment, his eyes wide as if unsure.  
"Sure, why not," Dean said grabbing the ball and taking the kings square at the head of the game. "I'm Dean by the way," But Castiel already knew that, the teacher had only said it a dozen times.

"I'm Castiel," He gave a little smile unable to believe that these boys wanted to play with him.

Dean smiled staring the game. He seemed to be the only one sure about the blue eyed boy-Castiel, but really it didn't bother him. He just wanted to be friends, and friends they were.

The other boys were never friends exactly with Castiel, but they stuck with Dean and his insisting that Castiel would eat with them and be in groups with them, and sit with them. It eventually just became the accepted fact that Dean thought of little Castiel as his best friend. And it never bothered Castiel that none of the other boys liked him, and it never bothered Dean either.

Never once though did they have play dates though like all the other boys. Dean's dad was never home, and when he was it was probably best not to have any friends over. At least Dean though had Sammy. He loved his little brother more than anything else. He always put his little brother first even if that meant he was missing out on 's family was so much worse. His father was worse than Dean's in many ways that the little boy didn't even want to think about. Always drunk. Always scary. His brothers were his only protection. None of them were exactly star students, but all were braver than Castiel. Neither boy would ask and so it just didn't happen.

All though the year no one fought. Every day at recess they all played pirates, running up and down the plastic slides. Lunch seemed to be louder every day with the shouts of small boys trying to make their voice heard over everyone else. Grades were great because things were easy. the worst point of the year was when Ash broke his arm chasing the girls. Really Castiel was just happy to have real friends, but Dean was the happiest of them all because losing your mom in a fire just two years ago was hard for a kid to grasp, and since no one here knew he could just be happy.


	2. Chapter 2

Poised Dean stood looking down the barrel of the gun in his hands. Positioned he stood aiming expertly at the chest of the human shaped paper target. He held the gun at the ready. A single breath in, held until the moment of fire. The click of the much anticipated trigger it matched by the coursing vibrations from the phone at his hip. The bullet rips into the target just to the right of the bodies shoulder.  
"Damn it," He muttered to himself under his breath. He hoped with every bit of his being that it was Cas. It was unusual for him to be distracted so easily with something as small as a text, but he had been waiting for days for Cas to text him. He was worried sick. Dean ignored the disappointed look on his fathers face as he set down the gun, fishing the phone from his pocket he saw it wasn't Cas. It was Ash. An invite to a party at Ashes house tonight. His parents never seemed to be home, so Ash had parties on a pretty regular basis, monthly at very least.  
Even though the text itself wasn't from Cas his first thought was using it as an excuse to get Cas out of the house. Really he hadn't been very well off at all, recently it seemed worse though. He had skipped school twice this last week, which was so unlike him. Both Thursday and Friday Dean had spent entire class periods trying to get a hold of him, if only just to know he was okay. Cas was more the type of person who would come to school barfing his guts out just so she wouldn't miss anything. Actually if Dean hadn't skipped to care for him he would have don't just that once or twice.  
Forwarding the message quickly to Cas, Dean picked up the gun shot the rest of the shots spot on and walked right out. Tired of waiting for only negative feedback from his dad. Really what he wanted to do was drive to Cas's. Even if he wouldn't admit it, Dean was worried sick. Worried maybe Cas wasn't sick, and missing Thursday and Friday was more than just a cold or the flu. Cas had answered all Dean's texts but all he could get out of him was that he was sick.  
Dean was so done with his dad. The look on his face looked as if he had missed every shot. It was bad enough his best friend was breaking down, he didn't want to deal with his dad being an asshole as well. If he wasn't 20 miles from home he probably would have taken the car and left. Even through the anger the image of his dads face was plastered in his mind. He couldn't stand disappointing him. All Dean wanted was to not care, to be able to forget the cruel disappointment written all over his fathers face.  
He carefully slid into the comforting leather seats of the impala, reaching across the center council to turn the keys in the ignition. The car roared to life, then fluttered into more of a gentle purr as John slid into the drivers seat of the car. Pulling out of the lot Dean can still see his fathers disappointment in his eyes as neither of them makes any effort to start a conversation. It doesn't help when Dean takes out his phone again holding it against his thigh, and checking it every few seconds to see if Cas had texted him back. He never did. It was all he could think of. The entire drive home his eyes rarely moved from the screen, just looking up to catch glimpses of the signs standing at the edge of the tar. He had been down it so many times, each sign he saw could tell him how far they were from home.  
The silence that hung in the air was thick and uncomfortable. Unlike his dad he never drove without the radio on, at least then the music could take the place of the unsaid words. He wanted to say something, anything, but he wasn't sure how to begin. There were so many ways he could fill the silence but all were subjects he dreaded. So many starts to sentences floated through his head, trying to construct themselves.  
He was failing Math, Science, and English. He didn't finish his paper last weekend because he was so hung over and was working through the fading haze of his unbelievable high. The only things he was known for at school were sleeping around and partying. But any of those thing would have been easier than the last. He was bisexual and firmly in the closet about it. He had known for a while and was becoming comfortable with it until the school had got wind that Cas had slept with a guy. The rumors and the talk had slammed and locked the door to any hope of being open with it. Although telling his dad was really what he dreaded most. He would take a lifetime of rumors and obvious chatter over his dads disappointment, no matter how much he hated to admit it. He was terrified of any more disappointment.  
They got back to the house and still there was no reply from Cas. There was no way everything was fine. He always replied to Dean's party invites, and usually with a sarcastic reason not to go. Dean could feel the twist in his stomach as he checked the silent screen of his phone for the 600th time. He was unsure of what Sam had said to him. All he could focus on was the ringing of the phone as it tried to reach Cas. The voice on the other end of the phone was familiar but some what distant. It was everything Dean had hoped he wouldn't hear.

"Cas?" He said almost hoping the voice didn't belong to his friend.

"Dean," It didn't matter how hard he tried to hide it, Dean knew what someone in pain sounded like. It was something you picked up on after years of hunting.

"There's a party at Ash's tonight, I was gonna see if you wanted to go," He had given up asking how he was after the thousandth answer of 'I'm fine.'

"Dean, I have to call you back," The line went dead and Dean made up his mind. He didn't care anymore that Cas wanted his space. The voice he had heard over the phone had sounded almost begging for help. Dean was going to go over to Cas's and check on him if he like it or not.

Dean had never actually been in Castiel's house. And hanging out had been at Dean's since the day he was old enough to have anyone over without his dad or Bobby home. He knew the route to Cas's on foot bike or by car like the back of his hand. He had heard of Cas's family but had never met them. Just that to anyone else would be weird but Dean understood. He had his fair share of family problems so he got it that Cas had never had him over, or invited him inside. He hated his brothers Michael and Lucifer, his dad was an alcoholic, his mom was dead, and it seemed to be him and his brother Gabriel against the rest. Never had Dean pushed for more so that's really all he knew.

Pulling up to into the driveway he heard shouting from inside. Someone was very obviously mad about something. Dean approached the door carefully, ringing the doorbell and quietly waiting outside. Trying to drown out the fighting with a quiet hum, until the door swung open. After narrowly escaping a face full of the white wood he recognized Gabriel a from a picture Cas had. The yelling was louder when the door opened and the receiving end of the fight cried out briefly, deepening the worried look on Gabriel's face.

"Your Dean right?" Gabriel said more as a fact than a question, glancing worriedly between him and the wooden staircase to his right, the same place the yelling was coming from. Although it was louder with the door open Dean still couldn't make out what was being said. It seemed to be some kind of one sided fight.

"Yeah, can I talk to Cas?" Dean asked trying to scan the doorway for a good way to sneak past Cas's older brother. Gabriel seemed to pick up on his intentions and he stepped outside favoring his right foot and closing the door behind him.

"Dean you need to go," Gabriel sounded serous but he couldn't meet Dean's gaze. he looked down at the hard white concrete of there front steps. He heard a cry for help from somewhere he guessed was upstairs and the thought that it could be Cas sent a spike of ice through his blood. He tried to gauge if he could push past Gabriel to get upstairs or not. But even if he could get past him whoever was upstairs would be no walk in the park either. Every thought in his mind was how to get in. Gabriel was saying something unheard, as if it just floated away in the wind. Maybe he could get in a window. Maybe there was a back door. Maybe by some chance he could get past Gabe and whoever was upstairs. Then like the flip of a switch it stopped and a door slammed.

"Just go home," A door was shut in his face but he didn't move. For a moment he just stood looking caught between knocking again and leaving. Maybe by some chance it wasn't Cas that he had heard. Maybe they were just having an argument. Cas would tell him if something was going on right? He should leave. He should leave right now. He could text Cas later, or come back just before the party. That was definitely what he should do right? There was nothing more he could do. He tried so hard to convince himself that there wasn't anything he could do as he walked to the car. If he went inside Cas's brothers would just kick him out again. He could never take on all three at once. But as he started the car and started out of the driveway there was a terrified pull in his stomach telling him that this was the wrong decision, and no matter how much he hated to admit it he knew the feeling was probably right.


	3. Chapter 3

Driving home was borderline impossible as the sounds of the screams rang through his head, the pressing weight building in the pit of his stomach. He had to pull over. The roar of traffic surrounded Dean and his car but he barely noticed the car horns and the roar of engines. All he could hear was the screams from Cas's house. He tried so hard to believe it wasn't Cas. He slammed his fists against the steering wheel, feeling the bust of pain it created didn't help. How could he just leave Cas like that.  
He needed to get off the shoulder of the road before someone stopped to check on him or called for help or something. The closest parking lot he could find was the cracking overgrown lot of an abandoned gas station. The windows had been boarded up for years now and no one wanted the property since there was another gas station not even half a mile down the road. The music was cranked up so loud Dean couldn't even hear himself. He only knew he was yelling from the familiar strain in his throat as he was used to after a shouting match with his dad.  
He felt his chest tighten and his eyes open and shut rapidly, trying to keep back the tears he knew would be coming. He hated crying. He hated the way it screwed up his vision, the way it blurred the corners of his mind and just made him focus on the pain at hand. He could stop it though once it started. He couldn't go home now, not looking like a scared little boy lost in the supermarket.  
He grabbed his phone out of his jeans pocket, dialing Cas's number from memory instead of just dialing the speed dial he had set. It started ringing and it sounded loud in his ears. It rang a second time and then a third. Dean felt a tightness in his chest as he struggled to take deep breathes. A fourth ring practically sent him into panic. Then a voice. The car was off and the radio volume dial was turned down so fast he swore it would break.  
"Cas? Are you alright? What happened? Cas?" Dean was desperate for answers. Desperate to be told this wasn't his fault, whatever it was. He needed for Cas to be okay.  
"Dean? Can you come pick me up?" The voice was quiet, as if he were whispering. Was he not supposed to be on the phone with him? Would he get him into more trouble? God, he couldn't even think straight.  
"Cas just hold tight, I'll be there as fast as I can," with that he hung up, restarting the engine and leaning a little heavy on the gas so he could get to Castiel's house faster. He couldn't even imagine what he would find when he got there. He hoped Cas would be alright. He tried so hard to convince himself he was. It was just a fight. Cas was fine. He couldn't even convince himself.  
When he got to Dad's house this time he didn't knock, he just reached for the door knob and walked in when he found it unlocked. He had seen and heard enough when he had been here earlier that he knew the general direction of upstairs. Quietly he climbed the wooden steps hoping there was no one upstairs to question why he was there. He seemed to be doing that a lot, hoping. He hoped Cas was okay. He hoped it was not Cas screaming. He hoped no one was around to hear his heavy footfalls on the creaking stairs. He was so tired of hoping, all he wanted was just to know for once.  
Some pictures Cas had taken were taped on the outside of the door, marking the room he wanted to enter. The brass knob was so close but yet out of reach. He froze for a moment, mentally readying his mind for everything that could be behind that door. Slowly he build courage and turned the cold medal, pushing open the tall wooden door.

What was behind the door was everything Dean had hoped that it wouldn't be. He saw the curled figure of Cas in the far corner beside his desk. There was blood on the front of his shirt and it was forming the beginnings of a puddle on the wood floor where Cas sat curled up. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. He froze in the door caught between knocking and rushing over to comfort the crumpled form of his best friend. he chose to knock, lightly his knuckle rapped on the door.

"Cas?" the sound came out a whisper, softer than he'd wanted it to be. Even with his brother he always seemed to be better at fighting than comforting. Keeping in feelings rather than expressing them. Probably a side effect of growing up with a shotgun in his hand, and a lack of the cushy shielded childhood most kids grew up with. His knock was answered by a small moan and the glint of blue eyes clouded with pain.

"Dean," blue eyes met green and Dean took it as an invitation to move inside, crouching next to the form in the corner, afraid to touch him for fear that he would hurt him.

"Where does it hurt," He fought to stay calm. he didn't want to make the situation any worse than it already was.

"Dean please," Cas cringed lightly as dean reached out, making him withdraw his hand. "No, just get me out of here,"

Dean wasn't sure what to do. He was afraid to pick Cas up but there seemed to be no other way to get him out. He gingerly put his arms under Cas's knees and around his back, trying to cause as little damage as he could. He saw that the blood on his shirt was dripping from his mouth. He must have been hit pretty hard in either the chest of mouth to cause it Dean speculated thinking through his own past experiences. He heard voices from behind him as he carried Cas to his car, trying so hard to ignore the moans of pain and the urge to set him down sooner than the front seat of his car. He honestly could not care less about the leather of the seats that he would probably be murdered for staining. He just needed to get Cas somewhere safe.

"Where do you go for medical care?" Dean pulled out of the driveway smoothly cringing along with his passenger with every bump in the road.

"Lets just go to your house," Cas said trying his best to look uninjured. Really he just looked like he was about to pass out. He shut his eyes not wanting to complain no matter how much Dean disapproved.

Dean breathed out a silent 'fine' turning down the street that led to his house to find that his dad had left, taken Bobby's truck to go on a hunting trip no doubt, he had started leaving the impala behind for Dean to use. Quite frankly I think it was the closest as Dean would get to an apology for always being gone or drunk. The cars driving around him honked at how slow he was going but he couldn't force himself to drive any faster, glad that the drive from Cas's house was as short as it was. Carefully he got out of the car, careful to keep it from bouncing at the lack of weight. The air was brisk and he wasn't quite sure if the shiver down his spine was from the chill or from looking at his beaten bloody best friend in the passenger seat of his car. He walked around the front of the dark car, opening the door slowly and picking up Cas with his arms around his back and under his knees. Careful to support him he slowly walked up the slope to his front door. He kicked the door waiting for Sam to come open it and let him in.

The silence got more and more unwanted with every moment that passed until the creak of the hinges sounded almost comforting. Sam froze when he saw what Dean held. stepping back to let him inside and scanning the area before shutting the door again.

"Dean what is going on?" Sam asked as Dean laid Cas on the cushions of their blanket covered couch.

"I was over seeing if he was okay and his asshole brother wouldn't let me in son I drove down the road and called him and went back, and he wouldn't tell me where he could get help, and I couldn't leave him," every word fell out like a weight off his chest. He was so glad that Cas was at least out of that hell hole, and was now asleep on his couch where he would stay until Dean figured out what to do.

When Cas woke up all he saw was Dean. He sat in a chair where at some point he had fallen asleep as well. Cas looked around approximating the time at around 7:30 since the sun was just going down. All the pain was becoming a dull hum but it was still there. He couldn't decide if he should wake Dean or leave him to sleep in the wooden dinner chair. Dean stirred before he could decide, opening his eyes and smiling at the awake Cas.

"How are you feeling?" Dean asked sitting up a little straighter, folding his hands in his lap.

"Better," He said sitting up with quite a bit of effort. "Probably a broken rib, that's the worst of it," He smiled like it was totally okay that he had been beaten to the point of broken ribs.

"I'll get you some clothes to change into, or maybe do you think you could get into the shower?" Dean asked trying to gauge Cas and his pain. Knowing the feeling of broken ribs he didn't want to push him, still unsure of any other injuries that he could just not be talking about.

"Clothes are great but could we maybe try a shower later?" Cas smiled and it this time it made Dean smile to.

"You can shower any time you feel up to it, as long as you promise me you'll stay here and let me take care of you at least for a while,"

"I promise" Cas said laying back down as Dean went to get him some clothes he could borrow.


End file.
